More certain than even death or taxes is change. Change is an integral part of living: Our bodies change (slowly in appearance, but very rapidly on the microbiological level…cells die and are replaced by the billion every day); Our minds change (we learn from our family, our friends, school, making mistakes); Our circumstances change (age, weight, marital status, occupation, income); Our environment changes (daytime, nighttime, summer, winter). Many changes, particularly gradual ones, can be negotiated relatively effortlessly and painlessly. But at dozens, or perhaps even hundreds of times in life, changes occur that are abrupt (perhaps unexpected, perhaps not) and often painful, even if the changes are so-called “positive” ones: getting married, breaking up, the birth of a child, losing a job, graduating school, the death of a loved one, stopping smoking or drinking, moving, having kids leave home, becoming seriously sick and retiring. Distress caused by these changes is a function of the discontinuity engendered by the change. In other word, how big a disruption did the change cause in your mental, physical, or psychological routine? How long did it / will it last?

In the 1960s, Dr. Holmes and Rahe devised a Social Readjustment Rating Scale that attempted to quantify the degree of distress caused by various life-altering events, ranging from the greatest stressors (the death of a spouse, divorce) down to such minor nuisances as getting a traffic ticket. While a noble effort, this Scale (or any other attempt to generalize about the effects of change) is of extremely limited use in predicting the likely impact of an event on a specific individual. This is partly because the same event can impact individuals very differently, depending on their coping skills, and partly because the events vary so widely in their unfolding. For example, the death of a young spouse in an auto accident would likely have a very different impact than the death of an elderly partner due to an extended siege with Alzheimer’s. What CAN be generalized about individual reaction to change, though, is that over time internal psychological adjustments are made that usually bring most people back to approximately the same level of happiness they were at before the change occurred.

Think back five, ten, or twenty years ago to a time when your life circumstances were vastly different. Perhaps you were in school then, and are working at a full-time job now. Perhaps you were a “party girl” who was out on the town every night and now you’re a stay-at-home mother of three. An administrative assistant then, a vice-president now. A fourteen room mansion then, a one bedroom apartment now. How different would you say that your fundamental happiness with your life is? This is not to say that external circumstances don’t have a huge impact on one’s level of happiness. Of course they do. But eventually their impact fades.

Here are several proven techniques to help you accelerate your adjustment to change – ways to hasten the fading of changes’ impact.

[b]1. CULTIVATE PATIENCE[/b]

Time does have an ability to heal wounds, and reminding yourself of that knowledge can be helpful. More proactively, try meditating for 10 minutes at the start of your day. You don’t have to empty your mind, just sit quietly and notice the constant stream of thoughts that bubble up and then (if you allow them to) fade. In time you will see that so many of the worries and fears associated with change are primarily “mind chatter” (or, as Buddhists say: “monkey mind”). You will also notice that the passage of time carries with it changes in other factors in your life (e.g., new friendships) that may help your ability to cope. But adjustment does take time, and the bigger the change in your life the longer the adjustment. Just remember the words of Harvard Medical School professor Rashi Fein: “You can’t cross a chasm in two steps.

[b]2. TAKE A BREAK TO READJUST[/b]

Hoping for a fast adjustment to a profound life change can be frustrating and counter-productive. Particularly when, because of the discomfort caused by change, we try to rush the process in order to get the discomfort to cease. Instead, recognize that you need to “re-set” yourself if you are to respond most positively to the new circumstances of your life. Take a vacation – even if it’s only a long weekend – in a soothing, restful environment. There will be plenty of time for action. There needs to be time for inaction as well.

[b]3. VISUALIZE A POSITIVE FUTURE[/b]

As a preeminent DC Life Coach, Jim Weinstein says that you already know and accept that your life is going to be different in some fundamental way. Visualize what that difference is going to be by using your imagination to project yourself into the future. Even if you have only the vaguest idea of what the future might resemble, it will be helpful to try to imagine a positive future for yourself, in at least some degree of detail. For example, if you’ve been laid off from a job, try for at least a few minutes a day to put yourself in the same frame of mind you’d imagine yourself having as a successful employee in a new job. If you’ve just been dumped by your significant other, devote a little time to daydreaming about who might be your next relationship. And don’t be afraid to dream big. Limited expectations can tend to yield limited results.

[b]4. IMAGINE THE WORST CASE SCENARIO[/b]

This recommendation is kind of the flip side of the point above. What would happen if your worst (reasonable) fears were realized? Suppose you can’t find a job in the next few months? Suppose you aren’t in a new relationship by next Christmas? Suppose the cancer spreads? As uncomfortable as it may be to contemplate negative outcomes, spending some time doing so can help you realize that you will most likely be able to cope even if things don’t turn out nearly as you’d like them.

[b]About Jim Weinstein[/b]

Jim Weinstein helps clients in solving issues from several different perspectives. He is an experienced career coach DC and is able to develop creative, actionable solutions for clients. To know more about him, please browse through www.dclifecounseling.com.