Premature ejaculation (PE) is a complex topic. Society, porn and the media show us that men should aspire to stamina that makes penetrative sex last as long as possible. The truth is more complex. Some women prefer endurance-length sex sessions. Others prefer men to orgasm quickly. Often, from penetration to orgasm, men don’t last as long as porn would make us believe. But then, porn is acting and largely made up. However, although we are talking about a sliding scale, there is a difference between achieving orgasm quickly and having a premature ejaculation.
For a start, any women researching this on behalf of a partner, or any men wanting an answer to this question should know that this isn’t defined as a one-off event. If a man achieves orgasm sooner than expected, or sooner than usual – and of course everyone is different (and this changes over time) – and this only happens once or twice, then it’s usually not PE. Doctors define PE as one or more symptoms happening often enough over a 6-month period. Something that happens often enough to cause a man concern, and therefore something worth finding a cure for, or combing a series of cures to get a man’s sex life back to what he – and his partner – wants. Premature ejaculation is defined by a number of factors. Firstly, a man feels as though he’s got no control anymore over when ejaculation. This could be during penetrative sex, masturbation, oral sex, or any other kind of sexual activity. A man will notice the difference between sex that used to last 10 minutes or ejaculating 30 seconds after penetration. A partner will too, and this can cause emotional stress for a man in the context of a relationship, and it can reduce his confidence levels.
Secondly, a key part of understanding premature ejaculation is the speed at which a man loses control over his ability to ejaculate. If this happens before a man is fully erect, shortly after, soon after penetration, or early into starting any other sexual activity (including masturbation), then it could be a sign that someone is suffering from premature ejaculation. Loss of control and ejaculation happening sooner than expected, and both factors happening at once, over a 6-month period, are clear signs that a man is suffering from premature ejaculation.
What impact can premature ejaculation have on men and couples?
For men, this can cause panic and stress. It can make a man feel ‘less of a man’, and for older men, it can feel like a scary and uncomfortable part of the aging process. Something they probably never expected to happen to them. Whereas for younger men, who usually take a certain amount of pride from sexual vigor, stamina and accomplishments, this can be as embarrassing as not being able to get an erection. It can be difficult for women to deal with too. Not only could this be taken as a sign that something is wrong with the relationship, a woman can struggle to comfort a man other something she might not have expected to happen either. For both parties, this is something that causes stress, anxiety. If it happens more than once, or keeps happening, then fairly quickly a cycle of performance related anxiety can revolve around sex. A man might not want to have sex anymore, for fear of this happening, and a woman might struggle to find a solution that works so that a healthy sex life can resume. Similar to erectile dysfunction, this can lead to a break down in emotional and physical intimacy, causing arguments, estrangement and even breakups. One way or another, to avoid the risk of a long-term loss of sexual confidence, and damage to a man’s mental health and a relationship, a cause and solution should be found for this problem.
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