We have lost the art of the unsent angry letter, says a recent New York Times column.

The writer, Maria Konnikova, says many famous people had the habit of writing letters expressing their frustrations toward their receivers and then destroying the missives. Whenever former US President Abraham Lincoln felt the urge to tell someone off, he would compose what he called a “hot letter”. He would vent all of his anger into a note, put it aside until his emotions cooled down, and then he would write on the letter: “Never sent. Never signed.”
Konnikova says the unsent angry letter used to be a tradition among public figures who needed to think twice about their choice of words. Former US president Harry S. Truman, former UK Prime Minister Winston Churchill and American author Mark Twain all wrote unsent angry letters.
There are two benefits of unsent letter, says Konnikova: “It serves as a type of emotional catharsis, a way to let it all out without the repercussions of true engagement. And it acts as a strategic catharsis, an exercise in saying what you really think.”
Place to vent
In the social media age, we have more channels to express immediate displeasure than ever before. Venting our negative feelings is easy. But it also means we forego our chance to think twice and act differently.
When Lincoln wanted to write his “hot letter”, he had to find a pen and a piece of paper. That process alone provided an opportunity to curb impulse, and time to determine if his anger should be voiced or be kept quiet. Now we need only click a button to send our complaints and hurtful words on their way. In the heat of the moment, says Konnikova: “We find the line between an appropriate response and one that needs a cooling-off period blurring.” We have lost a buffer zone to determine what needs to be said and what needs to only to be felt. It’s especially true when we see similarly angry commentary coming from others, says Konnikova. Our own anger begins to feel more socially appropriate and justified.
Perhaps that’s why we see so much anger and hatred online, so many anonymous, bitter comments, so many imprudent tweets and messy posts, says Konnikova. Because creating them is so easy, you feel it less a satisfying experience to vent out your feelings, so you feel the need to do it more often. When your emotions never quite cool, they keep coming out in other ways.

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